Wrestling Ghosts
10
November

By Stevie Adams / in , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , /


[Miley Cyrus sings]
♪ I came in like a wrecking ball ♪ I never hit so hard in love ♪ All I wanted was
to break your walls [pensive music] -Here comes Mr. Frumble.
Look out! I have so many friends that say
how much they love hanging out with their kid. And I don’t feel that. [child screams] Mommy!
Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! – I would imagine that that’s hell and a sense of sadness
about admitting it. -I keep trying to cheer you up ’cause I don’t want you to be sad. It’s really easy
to be mad at myself or tell myself,
you’re just lazy and selfish, and you’re
not nice to your kids. -Do you have a name for the voice?
-Only just now! Mean voice! -For those who have faced childhood
trauma, it may feel as if you’re just swimming against this impossible
current of long ago forces. -I did self-medicate.
I did use drugs. -I was only 16 when
I gave birth to her. -I really can’t think about me
as a little girl. I’m afraid I won’t come back. [uplifting music] I have a hard time believing that
this is gonna help me. -Everybody chooses
different things to heal. -That’s me? I knew I was gonna
light up like a Christmas tree. -Get on board with
one or two things that get you just walking that healing pathway. -Hello?
-Hey. Hi.
-You know the Serenity Prayer? You know how many times
I’ve tattooed that shit? “Accept the things you cannot change.” No, fuck that. Figure out
how to change them. -Are you sure this
is gonna help? [chuckles] Will it make me enjoy
spending time with my kids? -I don’t really know what else
to do anymore. -Your brain is really
and truly working hard. [sighs] I just don’t know if
I can do this. -Gotta clean up all the damage they did.
-I’m gonna clean up all the damage. -Even if it takes a long time. -Even if it takes a long time. -My kids are worth it.
-My kids are worh it. -And so am I.
-And so am I.


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