By Stevie Adams / in , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , /

KARLEY: It’s pretty clear
that for most people, the biggest hurdle to being in a polyamorous relationship
is jealousy, so I am here outside
of a poly wrestling class where people attempt to work out
their possessiveness issues by slamming into each other. Let’s see how this works. So I’m Coach L.T., and welcome
to Compersion Wrestling. “Compersion” is a word
that is typically used in the ethical nonmonogamy
or the polyamorous community. It means finding joy seeing
your partner experience joy. You’re going to have a partner
that you’re familiar with. You’re going to have a partner
you just met today. You’re going to have
new partners. You may see an old partner. In order to be successful,
you have to put yourself in a position
where you’re also vulnerable. It’s just working on, “How do
I deal with that vulnerability?” KARLEY: Wait, so tackling
your boyfriend’s girlfriend is suddenly going to flip
your jealousy into this weird
compersion thing? I’m not following. So what’s the deal
with compersion? That’s a made-up word,
right? We do experience the feeling
of compersion in many aspects of our lives,
so if my friend calls me and say,
“Hey, I got a brand-new job. I’m super happy,”
you’re never like, “Oh, fuck you. You suck.”
Right? So it’s more like,
“That’s awesome.” So the goal would be
to hear that your partner had this amazing sex with
someone they met on the subway and for you to be like,
“I’m so happy for you?” Yes. I don’t want
to resent someone because they don’t feel good
about me being happy. Woman: You can try to move, but I’m going to have
you locked right here. How does wrestling
specifically help people to deal with jealousy? Here is an opportunity to be
able to see your partner engaging
with another person, maybe someone that
they’re already dating, in a very intimate way. You can start asking yourself
what feelings are coming up and why are they
coming up that way? It’s a way to kind of combine
something super fun to take some of the edge
off confronting these ideas. Right. Honestly, running away
and hiding from jealousy is usually my M.O. Who are these maniacs
who actually show up to confront jealousy? Can I ask you guys
some questions? -Sure.
-What it your guys’ relationship structure? Are you guys together
in a polycule? I’ve been dating Patrizia
for about 2, 2 1/2 years, and Kat and I only met
about a month ago. Are you new to
ethical nonmonogamy or just new
to this relationship? New to both. So what do you think
this class might help with? Definitely
the sharing aspect. Yeah, I’ve never had to share
a person before. All right.
So… Okay.
I go this way… So…Yes. L.T.: The scariest
place for jealousy is in your imagination. It’s what these people do
together when you’re not around, and here is a chance to see them
just doing something silly, and you also get to see
why it makes them happy, but I what I tell people is,
it’s a class. It’s not a cure. Lay down.
So you’re not going to leave the class
feeling like, “Oh, I’m now
the compersion guru.” It’s not that.
It’s the first step. It seems like
a lot of work. Personal development is not
about being easy, you know? It’s about improving.
I know. Exactly, right? It’s something
we need to do. If I was going in
any kind of direction, you were actually keeping very,
very good position there. Good job. KARLEY: All this wrestling,
does it make you feel more empowered to explore
the idea of compersion? Yeah, I like the concept
of compersion. It’s appealing. Polyamory, I’m still on
the fence about that, like, honestly.

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