Jay: Welcome back to the Kym show!
Kym: So… Kym: Umm.
Jay: Kymbo the Himbo. Kym: Upper body str- Kym: I’m so sorry. (laughs) So sorry. Jay: Huh. The funniest part was that there was no need.
Kym: (laughs) Jay: Hi, I’m Jay. Kym: Hey, I’m Kym. Jay: And this is the Triple Cripples. Jay: Thank you for joining us on this very special episode of Triple Cripples. Today we’ll be talking to Kymberli. Say hey. Kym: Hi. Jay: We’ll be talking to her about her dating experiences, so uh, let’s get right into it. Kym: Okay.
Jay: So, uh, okay! (laughs) Kym: I don’t know, the way you were speaking. It just felt like it was one of THOSE shows. Jay: Sex-u-al. Jay: So when did you start dating? Kym: Umm, I was a boy for most of my life.
Jay: Like, what age? Kym: So, I don’t really know. (laughs) Jay: When did you start dating as a woman? Jay: (laughs) Like, if that’s what you want to do. Jay: So you were a tomboy for a lot of your…
Kym: I was, not even that. I don’t think I felt like I had a sex, because I didn’t fit as what people said a girl was. Or I didn’t want all of that weakness and… Kym: …fragility.
Jay: Women are incred- women are incredibly strong. Kym: Well, I didn’t know that.
Jay: Cuz I know the way that women are described is just kind of like, oh so emotional. And just ooh, just fainting everywhere. Kym: Yes.
Jay: But women are incredibly strong.
Kym: I didn’t know that, at that age. I just saw them as weak, fragile. All the things that I was not. Jay: Needing protecting.
Kym: I was big, they were small. They needed protecting. I didn’t, because I didn’t get protected and things like that, so for me… Jay: Damn, wow, skrrrt. Hold up. You didn’t, you didn’t get protected? Kym: It’s a long thing. We’ll talk about that on another episode. Jay: We’ll talk about it. Kym: But, so I didn’t really see things in that way.
Jay: Okay. Kym: So as I was growing and maybe if I did have feelings, either way, umm, they were all very convoluted. So, I think I really started interacting in non-platonic ways with other humans…quite late. Around the same age as you, actually.
Jay: Oh, okay. We’re late bloomers. Kym: I mean, I don’t feel like I was a late bloomer. I feel like I felt like I wasn’t part of you lot. And so…
Jay: She’s a different species.
Kym: Yes! Kym: When I did start dating it was interesting, cuz obviously I’m tall and I’m big, so there was, there were clear differences between me, the way I was treated. And the way other women were treated. Jay: Yeah.
Kym: Umm, who might have been smaller than me. Who might have been thinner than me. And who might have been shorter than me.
Jay: Yeah. Kym: And who may have been more light skinned than me, Kym: or a different race to me.
Jay: Yeah, yeah. Kym: So there were all of these differences, already. But dating as an able bodied person and dating as a disabled person. Or someone with a disability, is HUGELY different. Kym: There’s a huge difference, because it’s like suddenly you’re not just concerned about whether you’re gonna be…uh, a great person or whether their gonna have a nice personality.
Jay: Gonna have a good time? Yeah. Kym: You’re overly concerned with “Are they gonna be seeing me as less than because…” Jay: Yeah. Kym: Oh no, I’ve got the crutches. There’s a lot of embarrassment, depending on how you have accepted where you are and what condition you have. I, my condition took me a very long time to accept. Jay: Yeah. Kym: Cuz you go through a mourning period, nobody tells you about that. Like, if you become disabled there IS a mourning period.
Jay: For what you’ve lost. Kym: Mhm. Cuz you do feel like you’ve lost something and so, finding that kind of esteem, or finding that thing that says to you, “Oh, you know, you aiight. Like, you’re still a person, you’re still cool. Jay: Yeah.
Kym: You’ve still got your personality. Jay: So then, what kind of differences can you tell us? About dating as an able bodied woman and then as a disabled woman.
Kym: Umm, first of all, just on a practical level where you can go. Jay: Yes.
Kym: Where you can go. Jay: True, true, true.
Kym: Where you can go. Even planning where you can go. Like, it’s no longer a case of “Okay, I’m gonna leave it to you, you just decide where we’re going and we’re gonna…”
Jay: Like, “Nope, stop! We can’t go there. There’s steps.” Kym: Yeah! Exactly. You, you have to – where they would then just be like, “Okay, I’m gonna take you somewhere and surprise.” They don’t want to do…first of all, this has really taught me that men, a lot of dudes especially… Jay: Yeah.
Kym: Make minimal effort. Minimal. They don’t wanna make any effort for anything, because even you saying to them, “Okay you need to consider that there are steps” “Oh, you just organise it.” Kym: (laughs)
Jay: My friend, I give up! (laughs) Kym: Wait, all I said was just make sure that it’s accessible. It’s the same website you’ve already checked. Jay: “Oh, it’s just got one step.” “I can’t do one step.” “You can’t do one step?” (laughs)
Kym: Exactly! You figure it out, like… Jay & Kym: (laugh) Kym: It’s like…
Jay: It’s like, one step is too much. Mmm, okay. Kym: Exactly! But it’s not even, they’re gonna look online, anyway to check the thing. It’s like just go to the accessibility section or make a call. They don’t want to do that, it’s like “Nah, that’s too much work for me.”
Jay: Yeah. Kym: You figure it out. You tell us where we’re gonna go. And that already changes the dynamic. Jay: Yeah, I don’t want to make the effort. Kym: Thank you. Where they don’t want to make the effort and so you are having to, and it’s almost like you’re having to bring things to the table to prove to them that you know, you’re worthy. Kym: And it’s because, okay yeah, patriarchy. The way that life is set up, men feel like they have to chase and if they’re not chasing, that means that they feel that they’re on a pedestal. And you have to now climb up to them and worship them. And hang off their dick, as they’re deciding if they want you or not. Kym: And…that’s not…who I am. Jay: She’s not trying to hang…
Kym: I’m 6 foot 1, son! Jay: She’s not trying to hang off dicks.
Kym: (laughs) Jay: You hear me? She’s not trying to hang off dicks.
Kym: Yeah, I’m not trying to. Kym: I’m on the pedestal. (laughs) You need to hang off MY dick. Jay: (laughs) I knew you were gonna say that. I KNEW you were gonna say that!
Kym: (laughs) Jay: I KNEW you were gonna say that. Kym: (laughs)
Jay: Hang off MY dick!