Diary of a Fitness Fanatic | Srizzil Sketch
10
October

By Stevie Adams / in , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , /


Dear Diary, Today I start my journey to becoming ripped
like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Dwayne the Rock Johnson. I’ve been thinking of what my new middle name
could be. Maybe Marc the Dark Williams. Cause I’m so huge it gets dark when I walk
past. You know, cause I’m blocking out the light
with my biceps. Dear Diary, My fitness journey has gotten off to a rocky
start after I dropped some weights on my foot. Thankfully nobody was around to hear me scream
like a little girl and weep uncontrollably. On the plus side I now walk with swag. Dear Diary, I’ve been working out so hard I am drenched
with sweat like I’ve been caught in the rain scene from the notebook. I can hardly walk or lift my arms to brush
my teeth. No pain no gain they say. Dear Diary, With a crazy workout regiment, a good diet
is a must. I’ve cut out sugar completely from today and
feel healthier already. Dear Diary It’s been three days with no sugar, I’m
seeing spots and most of my colleagues look like chocolate bars. I dream of ice creams dancing and singing
eat me with big smiles on their faces. Eat Me
Eat Me Eat Me
Eat Me Dear Diary, I’m starting to see results! I check every day in the mirror after gym
to see if my muscles are getting bigger, and if I squint my eyes just right I can see them
growing right in front of me. Dear Diary, The people around me have begun to accept
that I am the greatest most beautiful muscular specimen around. Sometimes, to let them know I’m the most manly
in the gym, I drop my weights on the floor and make a big ape like noise. That reminds them who’s king. Dear Diary, I’ve started working out in hot pants in the
gym so I can admire the progress I’ve made for a full hour, and watch the sweat glisten
as it runs down my body. Dear Diary, I’ve found this wonderful magic powder that
will make me even more buff. I’m sure there’ll be no negative side effects
to regularly substituting real food for this heavenly gift. Dear Diary, I have decided to grow a beard, it looks very
manly and threatening to other massive muscle heads who would dare challenge my alpha position. I have also shaved all the other hair off
my body so that my muscles can glisten more when wet. Dear Diary, I’m going to start painting myself with self
tan every night because the sun is just not making me orange enough to out glow the other
alphas in the gym. Dear Diary, I have decided to become a personal trainer
to spread the self obsessed glory that I have become. Thousands of people are following my healthy
Instagram posts with amazing comments like “Click here for more followers.” and “Nice
pic, follow me for nudes.” Dear Diary, I am the greatest. Subscribe


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